One of my favorite movies to date is the movie “Love Simon” (to those with LGBT biases just hear me out before you stop reading).

In the movie, there was a scene with Simon and his mom where after telling the family that he is gay, his mom said “As soon as you came out, you said, “Mom, I’m still me.” I need you to hear this: You are still you, Simon. You get to exhale now, Simon. You get to be more you than you have been in… in a very long time. You deserve everything you want.

I remember I had the same conversation with my therapist. I told her I felt useless. That I used to be on top of my game and I used to be very good at what I do that, people would want to learn from me and ask me questions and find me an “inspiration.” That all stopped because of the anxiety. it stopped when I started getting scared of everything. And then depression set in and I just wanted to finish it all. My therapist then said this which I will never forget…

“You are still you. You are the same capable person that people would love to learn from. You are still the same person, it’s just that right now, anxiety is taking over that and we need to manage it – you and I. We will get you back.”

I didn’t believe her then. I thought she was saying a whole lot of crap just to make me feel better. I was in tears in her office feeling useless and here she is telling me that I’m still me????? Are you f*cking kidding me? LOL

Today, I’ve taken my meds regularly (no misses) and before the quarantine started, I go to her during our scheduled time (no absences) and you know what, she was right! 

I am still me! I still know all of the services I offer here: That fact never changed. I just needed help and I got it. And I am still getting it.

I no longer feel the shame of saying I am not broken but I am a work in progress and I am managing my mental illness and don’t make that a reason or a hindrance not to work with me because I’m good at what I do and I can show you that if you give me the chance.

In Japan, there is a practice where broken objects are often repaired with GOLD. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history which adds to its beauty. My anxiety, my agoraphobia, and my clinical depression will be my flaw forever but I am whole and I am good. 

Give me a chance. Let me show you what I can do and what previous clients saw in me. That’s all I’m asking.